Today my oldest turns 22 and I am so proud of her. It is days like today that make me miss my late husband Mikey even more. I think of him everyday it is just that these special days sit heavy in my heart.
It is such a double edge sword for me the loss of Mike. In one hand if he was still here then odds are I would not of been blessed with my four youngest. That would be such a loss. The other side is that my children would of been able to know an amazing man.
I think on days like to day about how different my oldest three would of been if they had not lost a dad at such young ages. I know they would of had different interests and maybe different personalities. I acknowledge that there would be some good changes as well as some negative ones.
I am blessed I know this and would not change my kids for anything but I can't help but think about these things especially on days that would of been special to Mikey.
I remember how excited he was to become a dad. He had worried that because of his medical condition that he may never have any children and Micky was his miracle. He loved her with all his heart and could not of been a prouder dad the day she was born.
Mikaela, Elijah and Josiah are a daily reminder of who he was and for that I am thankful. Marianna is the next generation of him that I get to try my best to share parts of him with her. Still I wonder.....and I day dream on days like these.........
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