I have always dealt with some form of depression and anxiety. I did not realize what it was when I was younger and the first time it was very apparent was when I was 17 and tried to commit suicide. It was the first time I realized there was something more to what I was feeling then some go through.
From that point on I had my ups and downs with my depression and anxiety with it of course having moments where it was worse like when I loss my husband at the age of 24 and also after my daughter Katanna was born and had so many health issues. It has become overwhelming since losing Katanna. I have more bad then good days and I struggle so much with this. I do not like what I have become and I try to find my way back to the path of life daily.
Almost 4 months ago I had a beacon of light come into my life. My granddaughter Marianna was born and she showed me how there is good even with all the hardship I have been dealing with. She makes me smile just having her in my presence. I hold her in my arms and she brings me comfort and calms my soul.
I know that I still have much to do till I am not living in a dark time and life will never be the same. I am changed forever. Katanna was taken from me way too soon and I am loss without her and am stumbling on finding my way back, but Marianna shows me that Katanna is still with me and that she wants me to take all the love I will always have for her and be the best Grandma I can be.
I will show Marianna who Katanna was by being as loving and understanding as she was. I will teach Marianna how to see life not as a trial but a gift. I will teach her compassion and to always do right. These are some of the many things Katanna taught me. I will keep her memory alive through Marianna.
I am blessed with one Princess in heaven and one on earth.