Monday, November 16, 2015

Proof Can Sometimes Be More Lies

 I had already decided awhile ago that I was going to write about my catfishing experience after I really got into reading etc about Meri Browns from the TLC show Sister wives. In fact I had already began writing just not publishing the blogs yet because I realized my story was so long I would need to break it up in daily posts rather than one long rambling one. I was going to wait till I was completely done writing all of it and then start posting daily. I still will do that, as I want to tell my story in a more complete and detail way. Todays blog is just in response to the last blog entry that "Samuel Cooper" aka notbatmanyet wrote about how they have PROOF that Meri is lying and they are real.

  The blog made me so angry as I read it. I guess first and foremost because it was almost as if the person who had lied to me was writing about how I was lying and they were real. So much of the blog was things I could hear this person saying to defend themselves if they were writing a blog to the world. I took it personally even though it has nothing to do with me.

 I was also angry because it appeared to me as a control freak trying to control as well as embarrass and threaten another person. A person I feel that though has responsibility in their actions is also in a very mental and emotional state right now. Meri is suffering big time in her life. She was before this person came along and she is now even more. Yes some because of her own actions and choices but some because of how others have treated her.

 Sorry if this ends up a bit long. The blog entry I am referring to is long and I want to touch base on quite a few things they wrote to give others a chance to maybe see through Meri's eyes. I also want to state I do not know Meri. We have never spoke. I have only read what is out on the internet and heard what has been on the press and in the show. I am writing this based on my experience and how I see myself in Meri as well as see the person who catfished me In "Samuel Cooper" aka notbatmanyet.

 First thing this person states is that they have not watched the show this WHOLE season because emotionally too hard. Surprise, surprise though when they show says it will be about them then they find the strength to watch. This is a theme this person has played through this whole ordeal. They don't know what is going on when it comes to the show, want nothing to do with it and can only answer something if someone tells them what was said etc. I call BS "Sam" is human so even if they are really who they say they are, they will want to know what is going on. I have seen this played too when it came to my catfish. They pull away, it is too hard for them because they love you so much and can not be hurt but in reality they are watching the whole time. They know facts surprisingly they could not unless they were watching you. It is one more way they feel they prove themselves as who they say they are. They tried to act as if they are moving on and you don't mean so much to them. In reality they are in a panic. They have lost the one thing they wanted in the first place power/control. It is the basis of the relationship they had with you.

The Alaska trip is something I have heard many say shows that Meri is lying now. First off they were still talking at that time, or so I believe. I feel she was struggling with letting go of either life. Having doubts etc about "Sam" but desperately wanting him to be true so "he" could save her from a situation she was feeling stuck in and at the same time not wanting to hurt her family because no matter what you may feel about the way that family lives it still is a family. I believe they love each other and I definitely believe all the mothers love all the kids. Has Meri lied...You bet. She was lying to her family the whole time the relationship was going on. She lied to herself anytime she had doubt about Sam or trying to make the relationship ok. It was wrong of her and something she will have to face. I know because I did the same. I hid so much from others thinking they would judge me for my relationship since it was not typical and I lied to myself when I knew deep down things were wrong. I just wanted this love to be real. I think she lied to "Sam" during this time too. Trying to keep "him" happy so on and believing she was still playing everything they talked about because she was still trying to figure out what the hell was going on as well as worried maybe her family was in danger by her actions. So no Meri saying she was protecting her family I feel is true too. I know that at the end of the relationship I had with my catfisher I would say things to them in order to make them feel safe enough to still tell me things etc. I was trying to get more info from them in order for them to hang themselves so to speak. I was also worried that I had gotten involved with someone so deceitful had I put my family in Jeopardy.
  Next point is don't think just because they have so much personal information about Meri and her life with her family, things that are behind the scenes etc or never shown on TV means Meri is lying. Of course they do. They were in a relationship for 6 months. Like any relationship you share everything with each other. You talk about your daily goings on as well as things that are upsetting etc. If they had no information like this then that would make no sense and I would believe this person was someone who was going a step further and faking being the catfisher aka "Sam". The part I find funny now is how "Sam" is spilling all of these details. They have been stating the whole time no matter what they love Meri and would not share these intimate details because they do not want to hurt her. They would rather the world hate them then hurt her. Again I have heard this before from the person who fooled me and surprise, surprise as time went on and they loss more control of me and realized I knew the truth completely of them they too started telling others we knew things to make themselves appear as the victim. These people have the desire that everyone loves them. It is part of the reason I feel they pretend to be others. They don't like who they are and maybe don't have others in their life making them feel as if they are liked or loved so they search to become someone everyone sees as wonderful.

  This next point is going to be embarrassing to talk about and I know some of you out there may think things about me or maybe even comment something unkind. It is ok. I know how it looks and I have shame over but I also know that it is something that would not shame me if in the end I was not catfished and it had been a real person. I am going to touch on his claim of having sex with Meri over 60 times in 6mo. First off shame on "Sam" for talking about that if "he" is "real". The love must not be real because you would not have to go in to the detail that they did if you loved someone. That is private information. Saying that I will be going into a bit of detail on my part but again it is something I would not talk about like this if my relationship had been real and the other person had not lied.

 I do believe that Meri and Sam were intimate. I believe they "made love" not in a physical way or your typical way when you are in a relationship, but how you do it when you are miles apart from the one you love. I believe this because I was intimate with the person who catfish me. I was intimate with them even though I had never met them personally and never even seen there face besides ONE picture. Yes one. I know how that sounds. They saw me on camera even....I only heard their voice. I never even had a phone number of theirs so no talking on a cell phone. Yet I exposed myself to them in a very personal way. I know this appears crazy on my behalf and when I finish writing my blog posts and start posting them I will explain all this in better detail. I was in love and I wanted to be intimate with the person I love. We even called what we were doing "making love". Yes it was either done in typing form or on camera with only their voice and me visually but it was how we were intimate. So for Sam to say they were together I bet they were. I would not be surprised if they had phone sex, sexted, shared intimate emails and even if Meri was on camera for "him". The pictures "he" tries to say she would NEVER send if they had not met and were intimate is BULL. It is possible because I am an example of that and I have also talked to others who did the same. I mean there is a TV show about these exact things happening to people of all ages etc. I consider myself intelligent etc, yet I was foolish in my actions because of how someone made me feel. I was HUMAN as I feel Meri has been too.

 The next thing that I want to talk about is how could Meri know something was not quite right even the first week but keep up a relationship for 6mo. That seems asinine. Well again I can say it very well could be true because I did the same thing. Early on getting to know this person there were things not adding up etc. The longer we got to know each other  more cracks became apparent and I would question this other person. They would always have good stories, flip it around on me to make me feel guilty for second guessing, get angry with me or even start questioning me about things as if to make me to show me how easy it is to question some ones behavior from afar. If I was telling the truth and yet they had doubts could it now be the same on their part. I also was in love. I thought this was the one for me and we had met at a very low time in my life. I stayed with this person off and on for almost 2 6 mo is actually not that big of time. I have to applaud her for leaving sooner then I did and listening to what her mind was telling her instead of her heart. That is hard to do.

 "Sam" talks about how they walked away but yet even September after they broke up Meri came back twice and added "him" as a friend on twitter. That if "he" had lied to her and was not real why would she do that. I can say because when it is fresh you so desperately want to be wrong about the truth you now know that you can't let go so easily. You also want to see if that person is as hurt as you because of how damaged you are at the time. You want them broken as you are. It only seems right for them to hurt too. Also if somehow it could be that you are wrong then one you have a chance to have the love back in your life that you want so much and two you don't feel so stupid. You won't have to look at yourself in the mirror embarrassed that you believed some of the most ludicrous things in the world and allowed someone to make you feel as if you were they crazy one for doubting. It allows you to stop felling horrible for letting someone control you as they did. So for Meri to keep hanging on does not surprise me. In fact if she still has "feelings" for "Sam" I would not be surprised. You HATE then as much as you LOVE them.  The hate is for who they really are and the love for the person you thought they were. It is one of the most confusing things to deal with.

  Meri calling "Sam" a "he" and a bastard on the show again shows nothing. It took me AGES to stop using the name I thought the person was and saying he. In fact I now say the crazy person, it, or even he/she when speaking about them. To me it is like they are two people the one that I had relationship that has now "died" in a way and the person they really all. I mean think about when someone is transgender and decides that they now want to be known as an opposite sex. How often do people slip up with saying the wrong pronoun or name at first. It is similar even if this person had always truly been a woman to you they were a man, you knew no better. Meri will get there. Eventually in her heart, mind and when she speaks she will be able to see this person as who they are. I can tell you it has now been over 4 years since I came to full terms that this person I thought was a man is really a woman and though I don't think about them like I use to, songs etc don't make me tear up for the love I lost, I have moments when the thoughts of them creep in. These thoughts are the same as those I have for loved ones who have passed. It is mourning the death of someone dear to you. I am ok with that. It shows that I am not cold hearted and that I am a person who feels.  I like that about me.

 "Sam" goes on to talk about how could Meri cry when speaking about how much she enjoyed talking if "he" was so awful. I refer to what I said up above. You still have wonderful memories and you miss how you felt while with this person. It was REAL for Meri. She was not lying or faking her feelings. She was sharing all of her with this person and they said the right things to make her fell alive again. So of course there is sadness to this. If she acted different I would then begin to think Meri was a liar. Those raw emotions ring of TRUTH.

 Meri felt threatened by this person and though they claim they had done nothing to her who is to say that is true. They could of said things to make her feel they would hurt her family. Even if they had not you need to understand that these people begin to mess with you mind. Your sanity even. You start doubting so much. When you begin to come out of it you start to wonder if they were willing to go this far how far would they. Could they hurt your family. For Meri there was more risk then in my case. I am not on TV my family is not known and already harassed for their lifestyle. My way of making a living was not from entertaining and sharing my life with the public. "Sam" was a threat in just that regard. If any of this did come out in the wrong way etc not only would it personally hurt the family to know Meri had been doing all this behind their back it was going to bring more harassment to all of them as well as a chance TLC could shut down the whole show. So it makes completes sense she felt threatened. Even if "he" is "real" this whole thing is a threat. He constantly brings up all his "lawyers" that in a way comes off threatening. I remember how the "man" I was involved with too had so many "lawyers" and how they could protect "him". Never said it directly to me per say but almost to hold over my head. I heard about them so many times especially right around the same time I started asking too many questions or mentioned reaching out to his family to get to know them. Never a direct threat more something in the back of my head that I could find legal trouble. I know that for me it was a threat because I have nothing. I am not rich so no way to fight back. They again had the POWER.

 Yes I believe a lot of the show is edited certain is a TV show so of course it is. Just because it is reality TV does not mean it is all "real" we have learned that through the years since reality TV became so popular. I feel the base of what is going on is real. That none of us could ever know exactly what as real because it is not our lives and we were not there. No one could ever say what is completely real in my story except for us involved. I can only share my side and let others decide. So "Sam" proclaiming how editing twisted some of the things may be one of the only times they speak the truth. Editing does play a part in this story but we have to just keep that in mind. It does not prove though that Meri is lying.

 Last couple points in things "Sam" said at the end of his blog entry are what I want to speak about now. First "he" put someone had sent a comment saying no matter if "Sam" was a man or woman Meri had an emotional affair. That is true. Meri will have to deal with her part in all of this the difference though between "Sam" and Meri is "Sam" knew who they were and Meri believed they were someone different. So "Sam" had an upper hand. Lastly I want to say that I now find it so funny that "Sam" has decided that the next time Meri and "Sam" will most likely see each other is in court. "Sam" said this after saying how much they loved Meri. Great way to show love I have to say and also PLEASE go to court. There will be no hiding if you were to do this. All key players would have to be there. "Sam", Meri and of course Lindsay. Let see then who's story rings truthfully.

 I will start posting my story soon on my blog. I just need to finish writing it then splitting it up. I know in doing so many may say horrible things about me and that is ok. I understand some will still not get how someone could be so stupid that too is fine. I just hope that maybe some people will start to understand how this can happen and also help others not be afraid to speak out if this is happening or did happen to them. Sorry for such a long blog. I am linking the Blog entry I am speaking about down below. If for some reason "Sam" takes it down or you are blocked to see I do have the whole thing copied down. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I am just so sick of liars getting away with crap.

Side note I did use the word THEY a lot in this post. Understand someone who is a catfisher is at least two people, the person they pretend to be and of course the real them. Many times though they are a web of people that have been created in order to help with all the lies and PROVE they are real.

Blog I am speaking about



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